Summer learning Part 1

Last month when school let out, I had grand plans to have the boys in "summer school" 2x a week throughout the summer to keep their brains on track and avoid any major regression come August.  Well, THAT hasn't happened yet, and may not. We do take time here and there to review some math and work on our reading skills, and Science is a year 'round subject for us since the boys love the outdoors and we spend alot of time outside. Our garden, backyard, and amount of time spent on the boat/at the beach give us endless opportunities to learn about nature. All of this is great, but it's not what I envisioned. But, that's okay. I had planned to give them a few weeks off before we got into summer learning, but I quickly realized, that we needed reteach certain behaviors , or perhaps take more time to redirect  their behaviors.  As parents we desire and expect qualities in our children that we don't always take the time to model for them.  And so, that's our undertaking for the summer. Working on encouraging more positive behaviors and attitudes in our boys and improving our own parenting skills.

Presently we are working on five areas:   problem solving, manners/kindness, household chores, expectations, and selective ignoring,. Since this could be one very long post, I think I'll break it down and make it a series of posts.. 

Problem solving is teaching them to solve their own disagreements without constant tattling or asking us to settle matters.  I don't know how many times a day I would hear "Mom, tell Harry to give me my airplane back" or " Skip won't share the markers".  This went on all day long, but over the last few weeks or so, we've seen a definite decline. By taking the time to show them that by working out disagreements on their own, they not only save themselves a whole lot of play time,  but allows us to get our work done quicker, which means we'll have more time to spend doing fun, family things. Each time they ask us to referee a problem, we try and remind them they need to talk it out, and then remind them that needlessly interrupting our work means less time for whatever activity they were hoping to enjoy. Yesterday the boys were arguing over what they would play first outside - each insisting they wanted to do something different. Skip wanted to play on the water slide and Harry wanted to excavate in the big sandbox. When they asked me to intervene, I reminded them that if they wanted me to play whiffle ball with them later in the day, I'd need to concentrate on getting the laundry done.  That was the cue they needed to resolve the matter themselves, and I was left to fold my clothes.  By playing ball with them after the laundry was done reinforces that learning to talk things out DOES have its benefits. We are making progress, but clearly this will be a work for progress for some time. Well worth it in the long run, however.

Manners and kindness, I think, go hand in hand.  We've always taught them to say please and thank you, and to hold the door for anyone behind them, and they're very good about be polite to others, but there is SO much more to it.  Most importantly, they've become much less polite/kind to each other, and at times can be down right rude to each other. They think nothing of grabbing things away from each other and go out of their way to do the opposite of what the other asks/wants. Interrupting others when they are talking isn't too much of a problem as they usually remember to wait patiently and then interject with a "excuse me" before joining another conversation, but again, when it comes to each other, they often talk on top of each other, and get louder, and louder, until they're both screaming. These areas definitely needed some work!

By example, we're working at always requesting things politely rather than demanding them, and by responding in the same manner. It's a stretch and actually seemed kinda odd at first but when Mike asks me to help him with something that  necessarily wasn't something I felt like doing, I've purposed to reply with a "Sure, I'd be happy to".  In those cases where I'm being requested to do something I can't at the moment, instead of a curt I can't right now or  can't you see I'm kinda busy? I'm retraining myself to respond with something a bit kinder. "I can't right now, but as soon as I'm finished unloading the dishes I'll help you" works a whole lot better not only for us, but serves as a better example to the boys.

We weren't always as polite with the kids as we should be. We try, but often fail. Instead of " Harry, please set the table" it was often "Harry, time to set the table". We didn't always remember to thank them either, but are working on doing that, always.

We'd never treat friends/strangers that way, then how is it we felt it was acceptable with our family members?  Again, we're working to improve our behaviors and have gotten so much better at it. As a result, it's trickling down to the boys.

Table manners are also improving lately.  The boys have always been very well behaved in restaurants, but as they've grown and are more independent as far as serving themselves, cutting their own food, etc, they've picked up some less than desirable habits. Some of what we're working on and they're slowly but surely  learning include:

• A loud belch from a baby or toddler  may be cute and acceptable, but not so much in growing boys.
•  Taking small amounts of food is preferable to loading a plate and then deciding they weren't that hungry. 
•  Saying "no thank you" when offered something they don't like works a whole lot better than announcements such as "I hate squash".  Better for them and me.
• Comparing food tastes and or smells to offensive things like dog-do or vomit are NOT only insulting  to the cook but can almost always ensure a smaller slice of cake for dessert :)
• Waiting until dinner time to discuss the fact that there was a dead squirrel in front of the house and you could see it's innards  makes for loss of appetite. Mine, and thus, must be avoided
• Food fights are only allowed or tolerated when parent initiated. 

Enough for now...to be continued.